My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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