I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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