12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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