i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
dude i'm inner monologue high
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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