It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
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just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
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I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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