Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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