you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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