is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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