Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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