Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
