It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
