I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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