grandma shit on top of the toilet
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
