You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
