Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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