Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
