The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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