I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
