"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
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he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
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I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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