The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
