Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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