my soul wont recognize me after tonight
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
