i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
