# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
