i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
