she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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