those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
