you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
