no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
not ubering you a puppy
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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