God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
