just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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