I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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