hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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