I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
