Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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