I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
