Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
