found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
