took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
