i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
