You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
