Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
