i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
