Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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