She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
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