Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Dignity is for republicans.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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