I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
