I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
