So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
