Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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