im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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