It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
