he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
