Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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