rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
