I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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