I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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