i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
