I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
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You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
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I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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