4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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