felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
