i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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