her vagine was all disorganized.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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