I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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