I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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