Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
