If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
