Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
