there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
