im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i think im in europe. pls send help
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
