you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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