you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
