hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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