I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
