i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
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the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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