she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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