me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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