We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I party with great urgency now.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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