I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
